Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
