Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
