I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
