Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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