I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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