Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
