Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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