just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
