1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
