before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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