How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
