Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
