I murdered the dance floor call the cops
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
