I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
