I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
