i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
