Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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