...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
