what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize