please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
