I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
