I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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