so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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