I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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