i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
