Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
