I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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