Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
