sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
