woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
