I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
