Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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