i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
