The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
