All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
