U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
