my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
