I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
