In America we eat man semen.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
