Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
