You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
