I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
