Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
