The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
