hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize