I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
