i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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