found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
