I think I have vodka in my lungs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
