i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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