highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
