As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
