I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
