you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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