I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
