put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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