It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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