why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
