Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
