Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
