i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
