try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
