I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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