I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
