I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
