dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
