well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
