Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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