All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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