I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
