I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
