I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
